Like most of us, Captain XO has been known to start a project that sounds AWESOME, but never goes anywhere.
Below is the first couple of pages from a cartoon script that I started, after someone misinterpreted my reoccurring tweet: 'Sweet Odin Jesus and Dread Lord Cthulhu.'
So...the first couple of pages from Odin, Jesus, and Cthulhu, Attorneys at Law.
Odin, Jesus, and Cthulhu: Attorneys at Law
Scene:
Three LAWYERS sit at a well appointed BAR. All have glasses dark with whiskey in front of them;
dressed in suits with their ties pilled down. They stare morosely at their drinks, looking haggard.
Lawyer #1: We’re ruined. No one will take the firm seriously anymore.
Lawyer #2: How was I supposed to know that there was precedent in case law from eleven hundred
years ago about the placement of commas in contract language?
Cut to:
ODIN, in a lawyerly looking OFFICE, closely examines a stack of papers, taking notes. His notes read, in proto-Germanic runes ‘critical error in phrasing, page 12; refer to Egilson v. Harrkon, 963 Year of
the other guy’ He pauses and then smiles. The smile is not pleasant.
Cut to:
BAR
Lawyer 1: Cthulhu’s cross examination was devastating. How do you prep a witness for that?
Cut to:
COURTROOM
An older gentleman is in the witness stand. CTHUHLU, dressed in a suit and tie, his wings protruding
out the back and his facial tendlers slowly writhing, looks at a blank faced young man, also in a suit.
The minion begins to speak, almost chanting.
Minion: Do you recognize this document? Is this not your signature on the contract? Are these not
your initials upon each and every page? You signed this in the presence of your counsel, who is
representing you here today. Can you actually expect this court to believe you did not understand the
terms to which you agreed?’
Witness: (begins weeping)
Cthulhu’s tendlers writhe faster.
Cut to:
BAR
Lawyer 3: (takes a long gulp of whiskey) And that closing! Jesus, what a closing argument.
Cut to:
COURTROOM
JESUS, his long hair pulled back into a pony tail, smiles at the jury. He sounds like a parent soothing
a child.
Jesus: ‘I remind the jury that whatsoever you do to the least, you do unto…well, unto all of us. A
giant, wealthy corporation is willing to fight tooth and nail to avoid paying any money to right the wrongs to my client. Isn’t that the same as wronging all of us?’
A member of the jury stares back at Jesus, nodding. A series of quick cuts shows that each member of
the jury sees Jesus as a kindly looking man of their ethnicity.
Cut to:
BAR
All three lawyers empty their glasses in unison.
Cut to:
BOARDROOM
Where it is revealed that the opening sequence was a commercial. An ADVERTISING EXECUTIVE
is showing the three partners the commercial for their approval.
Advertising Executive: We’ll play that in the NY Metro area, during prime time.
Cthulhu (through his speech generating device): It looks excellent. It plays to our strengths.
Odin: Why am I just reading a contracting and taking notes?